Now that I sound totally and completely heartless I do like celebrating Mother's Day and recognizing amazing mothers. One thing I have really enjoyed about the blogging craze is getting to see snippets from other families and to see what wonderful mother's my friends are. I love my kiddos, and I am very thankful they chose me to be their mother, what a great, great honor!
I was asked to speak in church on Mother's Day, and it took me a long time to prepare my talk. I had a general grasp of some idea's I wanted to share, but it just felt like it took me forever to put it all together. But it did come together finally, so here are my thoughts on leading children to righteousness.As a new mother, my idea of leading children in righteousness, was somewhat more like telling children what to do. It is easy to tell someone else how they should parent their children. I can very vividly remember my pre-parent days, and watching a young mother with several unruly, unkempt children thinking…..my kid will NEVER act like THAT! And then I had one….
I grew up in a home where we were expected to help out, but as the oldest of 7 children, when my mom was away I deemed it my responsibility to “rule the roost” It didn’t usually go over very well, no one liked being told what to do. So instead of doing the chores we had been assigned, we would play games and hold competitions in order to fill our time while our mom was away. We would make my brother sit on the edge of the yard watching down the street for when my mom turned the corner. He would come running inside telling us it was time to clean up. We scrambled to do in 2 minutes what hours previously could have been completed in a timely manner with plenty of time left to play in the day.
The key element I was missing as a young, older sibling was to Lead By Example. My mother was not the “brute force” type, but rather, she taught us to work by her example. We never had a spotless house, but there was always order. We would get up on Saturday mornings, and everyone would help out until the work was done, and then we would be able to enjoy the rest of the day. My mom’s logic was if everyone helped it would only take a little time, and it did, by her example. It makes me miss having 5-6 other people to help clean my house.
A few years ago, I felt I was in desperate need of some parenting help. I was staying home full time with Carson, which I thought was marvelous. But I would often find myself, yelling in order for things to be accomplished in our home. I was searching through the shelves in the library looking for a magic cure-all to my parenting woes, little did I know there wasn’t one…. However, I came across the most wonderful book! “Scream Free Parenting” I thought wow, how could they possibly know this was my problem? I started reading and felt completely enlightened! The author explained that sometimes as parents we would like to think we have control over our children, but in reality we can only change our own attitude and actions, and in turn those choices will ripple to those around you by changing the patterns you have become unhappy with. He continued to explain and illustrate how often times we live in a world where as parents we believe we have control of the situation and our children. We either have a rebellious child, or we have a robot who has been programmed to behave just as we have taught them to do. But how exhilarating it is when we see our children make righteous choices placed before them. I now feel like it my primary responsibility as a mother to help my children see the ramifications of their choices. I don’t want to make their choices for them, but I want them to know how good it feels inside when they make righteous choices. Also, I am learning how imperative it is to help them recognize the not so good feeling that comes along with making bad choices. How important it is to learn this art of choosing as a small child where the consequence of your action is on such a smaller scale than when we have much tougher choices as a teenager and later adult, where the consequence of those choices can either lead to a life of happiness, or lead us to a life of challenges with a feeling of constant opposition.
In the last year, I have really tried to embrace and teach the simple principle found in the primary song “Choose the Right Way” There’s a right way to live and be happy, it is choosing the right every day.
One of the things I really appreciate about my own mother, is that while growing up, going to church was not really optional. Not in the punishment, forceful kind of way. It was just what our family did. I never remember being asked if I wanted to go to church, my mom would just wake us up, and tell us it was time to get ready.
In the October 2009 conference, Elder Bednar related the following story:
As our sons were growing up, our family did what you have done and what you now do. We had regular family prayer, scripture study, and family home evening. Now, I am sure what I am about to describe has never occurred in your home, but it did in ours.
Sometimes Sister Bednar and I wondered if our efforts to do these spiritually essential things were worthwhile. Now and then verses of scripture were read amid outbursts such as “He’s touching me!” “Make him stop looking at me!” “Mom, he’s breathing my air!” Sincere prayers occasionally were interrupted with giggling and poking. And with active, rambunctious boys, family home evening lessons did not always produce high levels of edification. At times Sister Bednar and I were exasperated because the righteous habits we worked so hard to foster did not seem to yield immediately the spiritual results we wanted and expected.
Today if you could ask our adult sons what they remember about family prayer, scripture study, and family home evening, I believe I know how they would answer. They likely would not identify a particular prayer or a specific instance of scripture study or an especially meaningful family home evening lesson as the defining moment in their spiritual development. What they would say they remember is that as a family we were consistent.
I appreciated my mom’s effort in being consistent, it is constantly reiterated in my mind the important lessons I learned as a child and youth, and helped lay the foundation of the gospel principles I try to teach my children.
I often think it is a mother’s job to be each child’s #1 cheerleader. As I watch children at school and have interaction with many of their mother’s, I observe the profound difference in kids who have mother’s who not only believe in them and support them, but hold them accountable for the decisions they make
In 1980, George Durrant, President of the Church Priesthood Genealogy Division said, “We don’t take anyone’s free agency away by using loving pressure, firmness, appropriate punishment, and rewards. In fact, if we don’t use these approaches, Satan may soon entice them to give their agency to him…As we strive to influence others, we must constantly examine our motives. If any influence we exert on others is based upon selfish benefits for ourselves, then we leave the Lord’s camp and operate on Satan’s ground.
We were given the most wonderful opportunity to come to earth, receive a body, and the most precious gift of all, free agency. I can only imagine what Heavenly Father feels when we make mistakes, and then when we at times make them over and over again. How heart-wrenching it is when we watch our own children make mistakes they do not yet have the foresight to see where their choice may lead. And what a tremendous responsibility we have been given as mother’s to love and nurture, and teach children to strive to live their lives in righteousness; make those tough choices so they too may return to live with our Father in Heaven.
In 2003, President Hinckley gave some strong counsel to the mothers of the church; “Mothers, take good care of your daughters. Be close to them. Listen to them. Talk with them. Lead them from doing foolish things. Guide them into doing the right thing. See that they dress in a comely and modest fashion. Safeguard them from the terrible evils that are all about them…Nurture your sons with love and counsel. Teach them the importance of personal cleanliness, of neatness in their dress. Sloppy ways lead to sloppy lives. Instill in them a sense of discipline. Keep them worthy of service to the Church as missionaries. Give them things to do so that they may learn to work. Teach them to be frugal. Labor and frugality lead to prosperity. Teach them that nothing really good happens after 11 o’clock at night. And do not spoil them.”
How wise our beloved President Hinckley, such simple principles that when applied can lead to a happy and prosperous life.
Several weeks ago, I had the most magnificent opportunity of listening to Elder Russell M. Nelson speak at a stake conference while visiting my mother. As we were entering the chapel, President Nelson was leaving, and took the opportunity to stop and converse with my baby, and my sister’s baby, exclaiming to them how beautiful and sweet each one was. I appreciated and took to heart his remarks during the conference. He related a story of taking his children on a rafting trip. While on the trip, they came upon some rapids, and he explained to his young daughter that he was going to hold on to the boat, and in order to stay safe, she needed to hold on as tightly as she could to her father, not letting go. He further went on to compare that to our testimonies and teaching of the gospel. As parents it is our job to grab tightly to the iron rod, hold it with everything we have inside of us. Then we are to instruct our children to hold on to us, it is not our job to hold on to them. They have their free agency, and unfortunately at times sometimes they let go and may get wet in their travels of life, but we cannot keep them safe if we let go and do not keep ourselves safe.
I am so grateful for my mother, and her sweet testimony of the gospel, and the foundation she provided my siblings and I. I am thankful for her teaching I see reflected in my own motherhood, I find myself wanting to be more patient, because I know if my mom could do it with seven, I can somehow manage two. I remember the day I was driving to work, feeling particularly overwhelmed with my duties as a mother, wondering when someone was going to come help me? The overwhelming thought come over me proclaiming, “You are the mother now” no one is going to do it for you. This is your time, and if you ask for help from your Heavenly Father he will answer your prayers, and give you the support you need to help you. I felt so humbled, and it was that day that I began to truly understand the meaning of motherhood, and what a monumental task it will be.
I am thankful for the divine roles mothers have been given. I know of the truthfulness of the gospel, and when we struggle in our day to day lives, if we ask we shall be given the help and support we may need. I am grateful for the tremendous opportunity I have been given of leading my children to righteousness, and feel so blessed by the support I see around me in so many ways.
1 comment:
Your talk was fabulous! I meant to tell you that day but... So glad that I get the chance to know you better. You are great!
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